The plan is to ride 2015's Tour de France one week ahead of the pros, keep one week ahead of the pros, and raise money to help underpriviliged UK kids. We start on June 27th...help!
What's that you say...a 10 hour transfer is on the menu for today? Well, in that case we can only have this incendiary performance of a Bo Diddley homage...did I ever tell you that I saw them play in the same place 36 years laterzzzzzz...
"Come on Keith!"
We had a slightly later departure from our hotel this morn, although it was still an hour transfer to Vannes for the 17 mile 'Team Time Trial' stage which would end at the top of the Cote de Cadoudal climb. We would then board the coach for the journey down to the other end of France and the inevitable shoeing about to doled-out by the Pyrenees...still one drama at a time, eh?
Cycling humour. We could do with some.
Looks innocuous, right? Wrong. Couple of leg-breakers in there. Ouch!
Andy and myself were of the opinion that we should just potter around this stage and use it as a recovery day of sorts...no point in taking any risks on what were initially still damp roads, ok? I rolled out of Vannes ahead of the group mainly because I'm not dying about being in large bunch of cyclists...after a couple of lucky traffic light changes I was out of sight.
Our start for the 'Team Time Trial'.
I (apparently) was out of sight of the rest of the group and gave it the beans...as much as I can, anyway. I had brief delusions of stage grandeur until after four miles in, I heard Le Tracteur's shout of "We've got ya'!, and himself and Tim MVP passed by like a train. I could only latch on and pray. This was even worse than Friday, hah-hah!
We kept to be expecting to be swept up by the elite guys but in the event only 'Mentally-slow-cadence-but-crazy-fast' Chris made it, and was happy to help/destroy. Unlike me however: this pace was just too fast for me to take a turn at the front and on the lung-bursting drags it was excruciating: whatever happened to "let's take it easy"?
Not Photoshopped despite wot Mr Wickham will have you believe...
Well, that was that...just an arse-numbingly long coach journey enlivened by a couple of stops...
Trois Magnums. Chris, in the middle, is summink to do wiv their UK account. Although I still think he bill-posts.
The journey wasn't too shoddy, to be fair: a stop at what looked a dodgy faux-Wild West gaff ('Oncle Johns'?) was a master-stroke by TdF Sarah...great burger & chips & beer = happy punters.
Une pour le road.
We arrived at our hotel for a nigh-cap sans wi-fi. Le nightmare pour moi et riders various. Boo-hoo us, hah-hah! Still, we had a 'rest' day ahead of us. Yeay!
Wishing all ex-colonial types a very happy Independence Day...top country, top people. Cheers!
If you've never heard this version of 'Born In The USA' then you're in for a treat. Really.
Just for a change the alarm sounded at 5.15am this morning and we stumbled onto the coach eventually for the hour-long transfer to today's start in Rennes. The forecast was for blustery headwinds for the duration: surprisingly there were no complaints from me as we had been given a little help during yesterday's insanity.
Again, let's just go direct!
Let me guess...rolling?
After about 1 mile I happened upon some road rage a la Francais in action...scooterist looked to be on the receiving end of some sturdy verbals!
"Sacre bleu you cretin!" etc...
Memo to self: don't pick such a long drag to park yourself on photo detail. This pair took a while...
Although fair play to Nick for his Tommy Voeckler impression. Equally he may really just have been bollocksed by that climb! Tim is with him. Looking very restrained. Do not be fooled, people!
Dans this area of Brittany, Bernie Hinault is a god.
We were a bit curious (read: worried) as to what effect yesterday would have on our legs...Andy was happy to have me lead for a bit. Dear Lord, he must have been struggling, hah-hah! It was an honour to serve, blah-blah-blah...in the event we ended-up joining on to the fast guys for a spell. The only notable thing from this was a dose of pain and a selfie. Not all bad, then.
Check-out TLR leading Le Tour. Collector's item.
After the lunch-stop we hooked-up with Tim MVP again to work with each other against the rolling terrain and the breeze, which worked really well. The terrain reminded me of cycling through Missouri...roller after roller after roller...rinse and repeat. Ouch for all!
Pretending to apply beans of medium quantity: wardrobe to celebrate Colonials' Day!
To commemorate the US Forces liberating the area.
My kinda garage!
The Tour de France organisers have decided to end this stage with a run up the Mur de Bretagne climb: a very horrible-looking b-road with gradients between 5-15% for about 3/4 mile. It's just a grind after all...but I will be keen to see how our pro brethren storm up it after 115 miles. The smart money is on 'very fast indeed'!
The only other point to note is a change to our post-stage rehydration...
The tonic water is good for preventing cramping (so Johnny reckons and I won't argue) while the cup contains the local cider. Traditional way of serving it/they'd run-out of glasses. One cup was fine, thanks.
Today's stage was for Jonesy, who had a nasty bike accident this week. Wishing you the fullest and speediest recovery, mate...appreciate your support as ever.
Apologies for this being a day late, but Campanile hotels believe that wi-fi is something that should be advertised but not actually usable! Anyway, here we go...
Apparently this was the first 'breaking wind' scene ever filmed in a mainstream movie, trivia fans. Seems kind of apt for a couple of reasons: the various energy drinks and dietary changes that riders are undergoing mean that food-stops are not places for the faint-hearted, hah-hah! The other reasons are that it was a scorcher of a day with temps rising to 95f, and the fact that I've never cycled 120 miles as quickly!
It was another 0530hrs alarm in order to get on a coach to transfer to Livarot: the good news was that on arrival we would be enjoying some weapons-grade coffee and croissants before setting off. Bon!
Looks alright, right?
Er, more malarkey of the rolling variety!
The chap who kindly supplied our coffee before the off, also displayed these champs. No sign of Lance, hah-hah-hah!
Livarot is like the rest of France: gearing-up for the big event. Bon!
It was terrific weather as Andy and I rolled out and pushed on, stopping for the odd photo- there were tons of Le Tour-related tat and also some superbly inventive displays in the various villages and towns that we steamed through. It brings it home that we really are lucky so-and-so's to be doing this.
In one village we did get cheers and applause from the locals: I don't think the bar was even open yet! As frustrating and bloody minded as they can be (Calais, anyone?), I do love them for the way that they embrace cycling still.
After the first stage we met-up with one of the riders who had just arrived and is doing three of the twenty-one stages. Tim was clearly a very strong cyclist, and even better than that, a very strong cyclist with fresh legs who loved taking a turn at the front. We shared the 'work' to the second feed-stop and we were flying, to be fair!
With Team Lanterne Rouge's loan signing, Tim. Top man!
There was 25 miles between each remaining food-stop and these turned into time-trials, pretty much! At the third stop, Tim remarked to no-one in particular that it we could be at the next one in an hour: Andy and I said "Non". We went and did it anyway, hah-hah!
The above shows what I was seeing at times as we caned it.
Tons of tat...brilliant!
Always on the look-out for ropey photo-ops. Really?
We're still seven days ahead of them though.
We're definitely going in the right direction, thanks.
Rare shot of me attempting to lead us up a drag!
Team Lanterne Rouge fears no one. And plainly doesn't understand basic French either.
"...Rodney." Lunch was decent. And much needed!
We could have chosen to take it easy after lunch- we'd earned that right, I think. But oh no, not us! The temperature kept rising, as did the speed. It literally was a blast and we caught everyone who had set-off ahead of us. The best catch was a pair of native TT riders who were moving along alright: the look on their face when we passed them? I was in the lead and childishly adopted the most relaxed pose that I could and tipped my visor in greeting! Priceless. To be fair, they drafted us for a bit and then passed us but we weren't having any of that and they threw the towel in, hah-hah!
We catch the native TTers. They were a tad surprised, hah-hah!
Don't drop too far back or you'll make double-difficult to get back on...
Big thanks again to the TdF support crew because they make all this possible- without them...no show. At the end of the ride I had another sports massage- you may have heard the screams back in the UK, but they seem to be a good thing. Seem...
Big thanks to Andy and especially Tim who was definitely the Most Valuable Player today. Cheers!
Today was a blinding stage for me, pretty much. So why the choice of tune? The answer in a bit...
Coastal malarkey ahoy!
More rolling malarkey!
Phil, our Tour Guru did warn us that we would probably get wet at some point today, so did either of Team Lanterne Rouge carry our waterproof jackets from the start? After an intense and heated debate which went along the lines of "Meh, it'll be alright...we can get them at lunchtime after all...". Yep, you can fill in the blanks yourselves: it started pleutin' right after the first food-stop, hah-hah!
We had a fast-ish bunch with us and caned it onwards, rain or shine. Rain mostly, with the occasional fairly adjacent flash of lightning...that concentrates the mind!
My handlebar ends...pt.1
Handlebar ends...pt.2. Must be a slooooow news day!
Cliffs ahoy! Somewhere near Dieppe. I think.
Normally I loathe the sight of wind turbines but if they indicate a helping hand...short-lived, hah-hah!
Caution on the descents after the showers...
After a brief lunch-stop (nobody wants to linger in wet gear) we had a carbon copy of the previous session, just at a slightly less frantic pace...but the miles were being eaten. As were bananas, apricots etc! The terrain was rolling all day and I just about stayed in touch with this bunch...on the flat is one thing, but when the gradient goes up, I go back!
This is Mr Andrew Wates churning out the miles on the run into Le Havre!
After the third food-stop we were rolling along nicely again: even I put my nose in the wind. As happens, one of our number at the rear punctured, which caused our group to splinter as some guys stayed with him to help him out. This left Andy and myself to ride into Le Havre (we were joined by Malcolm for the last 10 miles) and we passed the charity's Chief Trustee (and father of William Wates). Good going, Andrew!
Ropey footage. Standard.
And a shoddy photo of Le Havre. Not a total kharzi.
Bike and top are model's own. Nobody else would touch them!
So far, so good. It wasn't until about an hour later that we heard that two of the riders had accidents...what sounds like a touch of wheels and down you go. Matt has a nasty bit of road-rash and Harry has fractured his femur: the former will roll out regardless tomorrow and I hope Harry will return to Le Tour when he can. Heal the fastest, guys...
Brother Ray's version is a slow-burning stormer...it won out in the end as 'Choon Of The Day'.
Today's little sojourn was a 115 miles from Arras to Amiens: a route designed to take in quite a few battlefield memorials. A handy reminder that we owe them, still.
Can we not just go direct to Amiens?
Rolling, rolling, rolling!
There was a 0530hrs alarm call in order to get everyone onboard a coach to transfer to the start dans Arras: and we did try to shift ours thereafter!
Readying ourselves/fannying around. You decide!
Only one of many...
At the first feed-stop I was honoured to be granted a photo with Le Maillot Jeune himself: usually you might think people are taking liberties wearing such apparel but Bertrand can 'walk the walk'.
Maillot Jaune meets Lanterne Rouge.
Thought it might be a plan to get ahead of the bunch and take a photo...
...and then realised that we'd have to chase to catch them. D'oh!
All different from 100 years ago.
Just back after the second feed-stop I had my second puncture in as many days...bon! Thankfully I was with Andy and two other proper cyclists, so it was sorted pronto and then we beasted the next 6 miles until lunch. Not entirely pleasant but it got the job done, hah-hah!
We passed many similar signs...
Give it the beans!
After lunch it was a case of drinking loads and watching the miles melt away, all the while with the temperature increasing: it would eventually reach 40c (104f). Blimey...it was a tad extreme...the insane heat from the tarmac wouldn't quit. Unlike some of the tarmac that started to melt!
Just follow these two eejits to the hotel!
We managed to finish by 1630hrs...I then treated myself to a sports massage. I joked to the masseur that if I fell asleep just kick me: he remarked that I probably had never had a sports massage if I thought that was possible. He wasn't joking either- he kneaded the living daylights out of me! He then told me go and sit in a cold bath for 7 mins to try and repair muscle damage and get rid of the lactic build-up. I actually did as I was told for a change and it seemed to help.
The last riders came in 3 hours later: I cannot imagine how tough that day was for them and a big round of applause goes to the TdF support team: there is no show without them!
